I don't think I've ever been so insecure and unsettled as I find myself lately.

I'm turning 40 in a matter of weeks, I'm the largest I've ever been, I'm pre-diabetic it seems, and there are parts to my life that make me happier than I've ever been that I'm just incredibly afraid of screwing up. I think the more that I keep trying to tell myself that everything is ok and I'm holding it together the more I'm grasping at spiderwebs thinking they're ropes.

I can't get younger.
I could get thinner.
But yet I'll never be the woman that I've ever really wanted to be, and that irks me incredibly.

Sigh...



_____
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me